I recently completed a Mental Health First Aid course. I expected to learn practical things like what to say, what to do, and who to call. I certainly learned those.
The biggest lesson was one I was not expecting at all. I came out seeing the judgments I had been carrying around without noticing them.
I want to be honest about that with you, because I doubt I am the only one.
How do we notice our quiet judgements?
Before the course, if someone told me they had depression, a small voice in my head would quickly offer a fix. Just cheer up, get outside, and go for a run. I never said it out loud. I just thought about it. I honestly thought I was being supportive.
There was also a harder version for other situations. If someone was living with a dependence on alcohol or gambling, part of me thought it was simply their choice. Writing that down now feels uncomfortable. Plenty of us hold quiet ideas like this. We never check them because we never say them out loud. I wonder if you have ever caught yourself doing the exact same thing?
Why is mental health just like physical health?
One example from the course really stuck with me. If I break my arm, I go to the doctor. Nobody meets me at the door and says, ‘Have you tried eating better to heal up?’ Instead, I get an X-ray, a cast, and time to recover.
Mental health works the exact same way. A mental health condition gets better with genuine support, treatment, and time, rather than just willpower. Exercise and fresh air are fantastic, but they are part of recovery instead of a replacement for care. Once I saw it that way, ‘just cheer up’ sounded exactly as useless as ‘just heal your arm’.
It shifted how I think about substance use and gambling too. From the outside it looks like a series of choices, but on the inside it is usually tangled up with pain or a condition nobody has recognised yet. This understanding creates more room to treat a person like a person.
Which two words should we avoid in support?
Our teacher shared something I have thought about nearly every day since. She tries to avoid using the words ‘why‘ and ‘problem‘. The word ‘why’ can make people defensive quickly. Even when we ask kindly, asking why someone did something can feel like an interrogation. It pushes people to explain something they might not have the words for yet. We suggest trying phrases like ‘What was that like for you?’ or ‘What would support you most right now?’
The word ‘problem’ carries its own heavy weight. Calling someone’s situation a problem can quietly suggest they are the problem. You can try ‘what you are working through’ instead. These are small changes that make a huge difference. The words we use change how safe someone feels being honest with us.
What you can do next
If you are currently supporting someone and feel unsure of what to do, that is completely normal. Here are a few practical next steps to try:
- Notice your first thought. Don’t beat yourself up for having it. Just catch it, and ask if you would say the exact same thing to an NDIS participant with a broken arm.
- Swap ‘why’ for ‘what’. Changing one single word shifts the whole conversation.
- Try to listen for longer than feels comfortable. Most of us rush to offer a quick solution. Sitting with someone, without fixing anything, is often the best support you can provide.
- Remember you don’t need perfect words. Being calm, present, and non-judgemental does a lot of heavy lifting.
I finished the course knowing more about mental health, but I mostly finished it knowing more about myself. Our team keeps doing training like this because people with disabilities deserve more than simply good intentions. Finding ways to increase your understanding, like exploring resources from the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission or looking into Mental Health First Aid, quietly changes how you listen.
A lot of what builds up good mental health isn’t clinical at all. It usually comes down to having somewhere to go, something to look forward to, and people around you. That is exactly what our social and community access support is built around. We work alongside you to get out, join in, and reach your goals in the ways that bring you choice and control.
If that sounds like something you would like to explore, you’re welcome to get in touch.
Feng is the founder of Journey In Action Support, an NDIS provider based in Sydney’s Lower North Shore. With a Certificate III in Individual Support, Feng supports participants across household tasks, personal care, transport, and community access — with a bilingual Mandarin and English service that reflects the needs of the local Chinese-Australian community.
